Arminian and Calvinistic Prayers

A quick post which is intended to be a light hearted jab at both doctrines

Our Father, who art in Heaven
(but only if I also want You to reign, otherwise just take a backseat)
Hallowed be thy name
(Harold?)
Thy Kingdom come
(it's up to me to establish it!)
Thy will be done
(through the joining of my will and Your will!)
On Earth as it is in Heaven
(yay, harps)
Give us this day our daily bread
(I can get my own bread, but thanks anyway)
Forgive us our trespasses
(lots of those)
As we forgive those who trespass against us
(hey, they're choosing sin, who am I to judge)
Lead us not into temptation
(this does not make sense with the humanist-rationalist view of Free Will; since God gives me choice, He does not me lead into sin)
But deliver us from evil
(within the framework of free-agent libertarianism of course, otherwise Satan might get annoyed that his inalienable right for free-will was being infringed upon)
For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory
(well yes)
Forever and ever,
Amen
(Amen)

Our Father, who art in Heaven
(and so negates any responsibility from me, phew!)
Hallowed be thy name
(Harold?)
Thy Kingdom come
(and it will, we'll just kick back and watch it happen)
Thy will be done
(yeah, save the elect somehow)
On Earth as it is in Heaven
(yay, harps)
Give us this day our daily bread
(according to your Divine will, I'm incapable of getting it myself)
Forgive us our trespasses
(hey I'm elect, no need for forgiveness here!)
As we forgive those who trespass against us
(I'd rather they burn, and some will so I don't really see the point in forgiving the Hell-bound)
Lead us not into temptation
(pretty please, but whatever You say, goes, I guess)
But deliver us from evil
(as You have and will)
For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory
(well yes)
Forever and ever,
Amen
(Amen)